motel 6
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: The Shiseiten go on a road trip. This is the story of 5 teens finding their way amidst the booze, road rage, and annoying hotel clerks. R&R please, no flames. ON INDEFINITE HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai Deeper Kyo

Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai Deeper Kyo. I'm merely borrowing them for a bit.

A/N: I was talking to my bff Rhonds, and I was whining about not being able to make one big one shot again and she was like 'well break it into parts' and I agreed cuz im lazy so it's in parts. Short ones. Summer vacation has started and these five young adults will start out on a journey, the destination unknown (even to the author) Rated for language, implied things, oocness, drinking and driving (its bad), alcohol, girly mags, etc. I'm sorry if this totally sucks big hairy monkey balls. Something's wrong with me, mentally. But you already know that. HotIceRed semi-proudly presents:

**Motel 6**

**Section one: Ride with me**

"This is it?" questioned the teen, a skeptical sneer on his face as he eyed the small car.

The one eyed teen puffed his chest out with pride, "You're so impressed you're speechless." He nudged the crimson eyed teen and the pink haired female simultaneously, a pleased grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

"There's a plaid shirt in place of the window," The blond teen pointed out, actually taking it upon himself to prod at the cloth curiously. "The tape isn't helping," he added, golden eyes observing the gray duck tape slowly peeling off the top of the window.

"Shut up Hotaru," the one eyed male snapped irritably, "and leave that alone! It's there for a reason!"

"Yeah, cuz you're too cheap to invest in a new window," muttered the youngest of the five, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Bon, this has got to be the shittiest car in existence," The crimson eyed teen stated, dragging a scrutinizing eye across the vehicle, "I bet the ignition won't even turn."

"Oh this baby'll do all sorts of fancy tricks," purred Bon, gently patting the driver's side door, a sickeningly parental expression on his face.

The pink haired female blanched, "I'm so disgusted I could spit," she muttered. "Kyo, I feel faint! Hold me," she whined, reaching out for her knight in shiny leather pants.

"Now I feel sick," mumbled the youngest, scowling at the pink haired girl. "Akari at least give Kyo some breathing room," he chided.

Akari swiveled around to glare at the teen, "Do you have a problem with my display of affection, Akira?" She hissed as she leaned forward, her eyes narrowed into malicious slits. "Need I remind you of your fear of the dark?" At that moment, gray storm clouds rolled by, darkening the blue sky eerily.

Akira recoiled, mouth agape in dismay, "Y-You monster," he gasped, leaning his body against the car for support.

Akari straightened, beaming a cheery smile as if nothing happened, "Now if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all? Isn't that what I used to tell you when I babysat you as a baby?" she cooed.

The clouds dissolved, and the sun once again shined down upon the teens.

The strawberry blond flushed in embarrassment, "Akari!!" he growled, clenching his fists.

Akari smiled, "What's the matter? Gotta poop?"

"Yeah, we wouldn't want to stop on the road," The other blond chimed in with an eager nod.

"S-Shut up!! Don't patronize me you ingrate!" Akira howled loudly, slamming an open palm against the hood of the car.

"OI! Don't damage the merchandise or you'll be paying for it you brat!" Snapped Bon, brows knit together in a frown.

"This thing isn't even worth thirty bucks," Akari stated, hooded eyes regarding the car in contempt.

"Who's driving?" Kyo piped up, a cigarette dangling lazily from his slightly parted lips.

Bon shot a glare at Akari, and then glanced at Kyo, "Well I am of course. I'm the only one who can handle my baby," he replied.

"You make it sound like you're having secret dungeon sex with your car," The other blond bluntly stated. And as an afterthought (as if he has thoughts of those kind), moved a few steps back from the car.

His companions stared at him, at a loss for words. Then eyed the car with various stages of disgust and pity.

Finally,

"What kind of porn have you been watching?" Kyo asked, quirking an eyebrow in puzzlement.

Hotaru opened his mouth to reply, but was cut short,

"Don't ask him that!!" Bon hissed, "I don't want to know about his sick little fantasies!!"

"…Maybe we should take my car," Akari offered, casting an unsettling glance at the car.

"I haven't been sexing up my car!" bellowed Bon, "Besides girls in the backseat," he added with a lecherous grin.

Akira snorted, "Psh, we all know that's a lie." He uncrossed one of his arms and placed his fingers against his chin, "The only action this crap heap has seen is Bon and his hand."

Bon's left eyebrow twitched, "You little shit!"

Before a fight could break out, Kyo interrupted,

"I'm driving. Give me the keys." He waited expectantly for Bon to hand them over.

Bon had other ideas, "Hell no! It's my car, I'm driving! There's no way I'm letting your drunk ass drive us right into a telephone pole."

Kyo scoffed, "That was once. And Hotaru was in the front seat doing"

Akira visibly gagged, while Akari obtained a little tick on her forehead. Hotaru remained in a haze of impassive obliviousness.

"Look, all I know is, you've got like three DUI's. I'm not taking any chances," Bon solemnly replied.

The two of them stared each other down for a few moments.

"Oooh Kyo's so manly. Go Kyo!" Akari cheered, pumping a fist into the air.

"A staring contest? No fair, me too!" Hotaru groused.

"This is going to end in about two seconds," Akira observed, smirking knowingly.

As if on cue, Kyo suddenly kicked Bon in the abdomen.

He gasped in shock and fell to his knees clutching his belly, "Kyo you bastard! You cheated," he whimpered.

Kyo chuckled darkly, "Don't be a pussy." He nodded to Akira, who fished the keys from Bon's jacket pocket and handed them to the crimson eyed teen.

Kyo jingled them triumphantly, "Now, get your asses in the car. And don't forget the cooler."

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Juggling a beer in one hand and a cig in the other, Kyo expertly steered with his knees while Akari stared at him adoringly.

"My, this traffic is awful," she commented.

Bon was mortified. "Kyo! That's no way to handle my baby! If you get us in a wreck I'm going to rip your balls off!" he growled.

"You would want to touch his balls, wouldn't you Bon?" Akira teased, "I always knew there was a little queer in you."

"That's called gay-dar Akira," Hotaru helpfully pointed out.

"Yes, it's a very useful thing to have," agreed Akari, batting her eyelashes at a distracted Kyo.

Kyo was distracted because the car kept swerving in and out of the opposite lane.

From his perch in the middle of the back seat between Bon and Hotaru, Akira didn't feel comfortable or safe. At all.

You see, he had to use all of his energy to keep perfectly in the middle, not allowing a single inch of his body to touch the other males. Alas, that wasn't working.

Hotaru glowered at him, "Your leg is touching mine." He kicked at the younger teen irritably.

Akira scowled, "No, yours is touching mine! Bon's so fat he takes up all the room in here, so I'm forced to one side!" he reasoned. But with Hotaru, there was no reasoning.

"Whatever," Hotaru grumbled, resorting to stare boredly out the window at the passing scenery.

In the front seat, Akari was positively giddy, "Kyo, would you like another beer?"

Those dreamy (in her opinion) crimson eyes focused on her for a split second before returning to the road as he grunted his affirmative.

Needing no second urging, Akari reached into the cooler at her feet and grabbed a nice cold can of beer. She popped the top open and handed it to him with a smile.

Bon pouted, "I want a beer too. Why can't I get the nice treatment?"

Akari ignored his plea and went back to flirting with Kyo, "So Kyo, what kind of conditioner do you use? It's so soft and shiny."

"You frigid bitch." mumbled Bon moodily.

A can of beer came hurtling into the backseat and smacked him in the mouth.

The one eyed man reeled back grasping at the pieces of his shattered teeth and gurgling in pain.

Akira retrieved the beer, only to have it snatched out of his hands,

"HEY!" he protested loudly, glaring at the culprit.

Hotaru victoriously popped the beer open and took a swig, "No beer for the kiddies."

Bon continued to weep mournfully over the remnants of his shiny yellowed teeth, mentally cursing pink haired fanboys.

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They all smelt it simultaneously. The stench of rotting eggs, month old gym socks and to be quite frank: Shit.

Hotaru made a mad dive for the window, jiggling the little button, but it wouldn't open. He made a panicked noise in the back of his throat and gagged.

Akira slapped a hand over his mouth and nose, little choking sounds muffled by his fingers.

"WHO THE HELL DID THAT?!" Shrieked Akari, her window already pulled down as far as it could go, nostrils pinched between her index and thumb as she seethed angrily.

Kyo glared back into the rearview mirror. His window was down as well, the cool, sweet scent of exhaust fumes, grass, and stale heat filtering into the car.

"Bon," he growled, narrowing his crimson eyes dangerously.

The culprit sniggered in amusement, "What can I say, I forgot to go before we left. Plus, that's what you get for dissing my awesome car," he stated.

The locks of the car doors mechanically clicked.

His mouth and nose still covered, Akira dove past Bon's legs for the latch of the door and jerked it upwards, opening it. Cool air spilled into the back seat, but Bon was undisturbed.

He teetered backwards a little, but laughed it off and braced himself against the seat, "Nice try, brat. No one can move the rock that is Bontemaru-sama," he boasted.

With a nod of agreement, Hotaru and Akira shoved together, forcing Bon into the door and rolling out of the car.

The car puttered along slowly as the occupants of the car ignored the one eyed teens enraged shouts as he landed in the midst of the intersection.

Akira slid into Bon's previous seat and quickly pulled the door shut. The doors locked.

A comfortable silence reigned.

"Are we there yet?" Asked Hotaru curiously.

The doors abruptly unlocked.

"Never mind, jeez," the blond muttered sourly, slumping backwards in his seat.

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Oh my god, I love you Bon. (huggles him) okay part 2 will be whenever. Please read and review, no flames por favor. If you see any errors, please kindly point them out and I'll try not to be too embarrassed. EDIT: Yeah I went back and fixed some crap. (thank you Satri!) Still, if you see anything I missed, let me know.

HotIceRed


	2. Chapter 2: Deadbeats equal sheildusage

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these wonderful Samurai Deeper Kyo characters

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these wonderful Samurai Deeper Kyo characters. Just the blot bunnies that plague me from under the bed.

A/N: Part 2! Yay! Thanks so much for the reviews (sobs of joy) I'm so happy..this review whore is thrilled. Anywho, the five arrive at their destination (or as far as I've gotten on the destination part) and some unexpected things occur. Again, since this is all for pointless fun, warnings include **oocness**, alcohol, girly mags, implied things, web cams, malevolent intent, etc. The title of each section may or may not have anything at all to do with what occurs in the actual chapter. That was your warning. Reviews are welcome, rude flames are not.

**Motel 6**

**Section two: Keep your enemies close and deadbeats closer, cuz they can be used as a shield **

"Welcome to Motel 6, City. How many rooms can I put you folks down for?" chirped the raven haired young man, a cheerful grin tugging at his lips.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" Kyo replied, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

The other man's cheerful smile noticeably grew forced, his blue eyes flickered nervously down at his name tag, "No, I'm sure I've never seen you before in my life. I just have one of those faces."

He slowly reached up and cupped the silver name tag pinned to his uniform, trying in vain to shield his name.

"Just leave it Kyo, if this guy says he doesn't know you, then he probably doesn't. Unless it was that one time you were super drunk and accidentally picked up that guy, and we didn't tell you until the next morning," Hotaru nonchalantly said, idly staring through the large glass windows of the lounge.

Akira gaped, disgust etched on his features.

"Oh Hotaru, you've got it all wrong," Akari said, shaking her head in amusement, "that wasn't Kyo. That was Bon. And he didn't know."

Bon's jaw dropped, eye nearly popped out of its socket, his lips flapped open and shut in an attempt to form words, but none came. His face turned beet red in rage, or maybe embarrassment. Or perhaps a combination of the two.

"Now he knows," quipped Akira smugly, relieved that Kyo didn't have accidental mansex.

Suddenly Kyo slammed a fist against the counter, startling the other teens.

"I know you! You're that little pussy cop that got me arrested three months ago!" he hissed through gritted teeth.

He glanced to the young man's covered name tag and growled.

"Kyo, this isn't Death Note, you don't need his name to kill him. Just jump over the counter and bash his face in before he can call for help," Hotaru explained.

"C-Cop?! I'm not a cop!" The employee shrieked, frantically flapping his arms around in some sort of distractive gesture.

"Now I'm not one to rain on anyone's parade (I just happen to enjoy it), but I do believe that is you dressed as a cop in that newspaper clipping on the wall above you," Akira said, pointing to said crisp newspaper clipping, which accurately displayed a uniformed Kyoshiro shaking hands with some business suit type.

"I-I was cosplaying!" The young man squeaked, grasping at straws and bullshit excuses as he slowly inched away from the desk.

Akari giggled, "You're so silly. It even says '_Rookie Cop Mibu Kyoshiro saves man from tree._' That sounds like some story." She commented.

"I thought only cats got stuck in trees, or me that one time," Hotaru mused thoughtfully (ha, like he can think properly).

Mibu Kyoshiro, aged twenty three, Rookie Cop, and current employee of Motel 6 whimpered as the images of his bloody death flashed through his minds eye.

Kyo leaned dangerously forward against the counter, "I'm gonna take great pleasure in killing you, you little bastard."

Now, Kyoshiro only saw one means of escape now.

He cupped a hand against his ear, "What was that Davey Jones?! You want me to get more towels? Okay, be right there!"

He turned his attention back to the teens. "Hereareyourroomkeysleaveyourpaidbillthereenandenjoyyourstay!" (A/N: Translation; here are your room keys, leave your paid bill there and enjoy your stay).

With that he high tailed it out of the back as fast as his scrawny legs could carry him.

Hotaru glared at the comatose-and-still-standing Bon, "You said we were nowhere near the ocean you liar!" he accused, his expression distorted with a sour frown.

The others ignored him.

"So who's paying?" Asked Akari, innocently twirling a lock of pink hair between her fingers. She was confident that 'the look' wouldn't allow them to make her dive into her own wallet.

Kyo snorted and savagely stuffed his hands into his pockets, "Do you really need to ask?"

Realization quickly caught up to the other three as they simultaneously looked at Bon, uttering a quite, "Oh."

Kyo snatched a set of room keys from the top of the desk and headed upstairs, "The rest of you better sort out your own room arrangements."

Akari tripped on her lip (but not literally of course, that'd be quite a sight) "But Kyo," she whined, "As future husband and wife, you and I should share a room!"

Akira rolled his eyes, "That's just an excuse to molest him," he muttered.

Hotaru nodded in agreement, "Yeah, that's called force stripping. It's not very pleasant."

The strawberry blond paused, "Hotaru, I don't even want to know how you know all this stuff," he breathed.

They followed along after Kyo and the whining pink haired 'girl' in silence, until,

"Porn mostly," Hotaru blurted, "Plus I was pretty drunk last week and"

"NO MORE!" Akira hollered, flushing a rosey pink in the cheeks.

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With an angry flick of his wrist, Bon swiped the card through the automatic slot and the door immediately unlocked.

He retrieved his bag from the ground and pushed to door open with a hip, shouting,

"AKARI YOU BITCH, HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME OUT THERE LOOKING LIKE AN ASS!"

The only greeting he received was the low hum of the air conditioner, the blindingly pink duffle bag on the left side bed, and silence.

"I guess I really am sharing with her," he grumbled moodily, slinging his bag across the room.

It hit its mark, landing on the bed with a soft thump.

The one eyed teen sighed to himself and shuffled over to his claimed bed, snatching the tv remote from the night stand and flipping it on.

But as he lay down, a loud thud hit the wall to his left. And it was consistent, as if the headboard of one of the beds next door was repeatedly hitting the wall.

A loud moan ripped through the air, "OOOOH YES, RIGHT THERE!"

Bon scowled and rolled over onto his side, "Everyone's getting laid but me. Damn Akari and her blackmail."

Yet another pleasured shriek spilled through the thin walls, and a voice that distinctly sounded like Akari's bellowed,

"Oh, Kyo!"

Bon rapidly shook his head back and forth, "No, no, she can't be. Nope, nu uh, that's impossible."

He refused to believe Akari would be doing something as dirty as _that _in Kyo's name when the teen was probably right next door.

But it was hard to deny what happened next.

"Fuck, Akari!" growled a familiar gruff voice.

Bon shot up in bed, eye wide in horror, "N-no…" he gagged, and then dry heaved over the edge of the bed for a few moments.

The thudding continued, followed up by loud, obnoxious moans.

All Bon could think of was his own safety (and sanity).

He grappled for the phone on the nightstand, picked up the receiver and punched in a few numbers.

"_What do you want Bon? And no, I will not let you surf for porn on my computer. That's what cable tv is for," _Akira's aggravated voice instantly replied.

"This is very important Akira. Listen up," Bon said; holding the mouth piece closer, "one of you must switch rooms with me." His voice was nearly hysteric, he was a man forced to grovel for his sanity.

There was a pause on the other line, as if the younger teen was contemplating his options, "_What do I get in return?" _ Akira questioned, and Bon could practically hear the triumphant smirk in his voice.

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"This better be enough you little shit," Bon grumbled, almost regretting his decision. _Almost. _

Akira tut-tutted the elder teen, wagging a pale, slender finger back and forth, "Watch your mouth Bon or I might decide to send you right back over there," he warned, and adjusted the web cam on the top of his computer.

A nudge to the left and the image suddenly went diagonal. The teen cursed under his breath.

"The sign was unnecessary and you know it!" Bon hissed angrily, like an angry feline. "Not to mention, the whole youtube thing," he complained.

"There!" Akira exclaimed, having finally moved the web cam upright, "now we can show the world just how pathetic stupid Bon-Bon really is!"

"I AM NOT PATHETIC! And the name is Bontemaru, brat!" Bon declared, puffing his chest up with the remainder of his dignity.

"Yes, yes, whatever. That's such a lame ass name anyway," Akira said nonchalantly, waving his hand dismissively.

What did the sign say, you ask?

"It's not lame, and neither am I!" The elder teen paused and twisted the sign pinned to his chest around.

"Bon is an imbecile with a brain the size of a sunflower seed who once got so drunk he sexed up a broom…" he read in monotone.

Bontemaru's dignity dropped fifty points.

"WHAT?!" he roared, seconds later.

"Aaand there we have it folks, straight from the horses' mouth," Akira supplied into the camera audience, grinning from ear to ear.

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Akari collapsed onto the bed in a panting, giggling heap. "Wow, that was fun," she said, gazing at her partner in crime with a victorious grin.

Kyo smirked around the cigarette hanging from his lips and grunted in agreement, stretching out his legs more comfortably on the bed.

"Think Bon shit himself?" The pink haired girl asked.

Kyo snorted amusedly, "He probably passed out like a little bitch, and _then _shit himself," he replied.

Akari tilted her head to the side, "Mm that sounds about right. He probably really does think we were having sex in here."

Kyo grunted once again and flipped on the tv, the light cast his face into a glowing hue of blue.

Akari suddenly obtained a wicked glint in her eyes, "You know, we don't have to play pretend this time," she purred, trailing a perfectly manicured nail across Kyo's cheek.

Kyo sat up and maneuvered his legs over the edge of the bed, then stood.

The pink haired girl visibly pouted, brows furrowed, "Where are you going?" she whined.

The crimson eyed teen briefly glanced back at her and replied, "Bathroom."

The bathroom door quickly slammed shut behind him, effectively shutting the pink haired girl out of his affairs (i.e. His Business).

She huffed, "FINE! I'll just leave then." And crossed her arms over her chest.

Kyo couldn't give two shits about that, he was busy reading girly mags on the can, tapping the ash from the tip of his cigarette into the sink beside him as he flipped to the next tantalizing page of half nude well endowed women.

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Akari was not amused.

"GET OUT OF MY DIARY THIS INSTANT!" she snarled, eyes hardened like glittering ice chips.

Hotaru frowned and flipped the page, "There's nothing in here worth reading anyway, it's all boring crap about Kyo," he said, not looking up from the bright pink book, "it's not gonna happen you know." The blond looked up, sympathy etched upon his features, "His type doesn't pretend to have vaginas."

Akari abruptly launched her left foot out and caught the blond in the stomach, sending him toppling to the ground with a thud.

Then she huffed and retrieved the diary from the bed, slamming it shut with an indignant snap of the lock.

"Ouch, that hurt," murmured Hotaru as he crawled upright and rested his arms on the edge of the bed, "by the way, how come you and me are sharing this room? Bon suddenly came in, yelled a bunch and kicked me out of the room."

Akari's mouth curled into a vicious sneer, "Oh did he now? That's amusing. What did he say?"

Hotaru shrugged, "Something about you and Kyo, being mistaken for Kyo in the middle of the night, and horny teenagers."

The female erupted into a fit of laughter, leaving Hotaru unperturbed.

"I wonder if Davey Jones ever got those towels from that guy."

_End of section two._

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And here we are, the ending of part two already. I nearly kicked myself for not getting this chap out faster and was determined to get this done by the time I have to leave for my aunts and uncles. AND I SUCEEDED! WOOT! Now hopefully you guys won't think it sucks too bad, I know not everything flowed as much as I wish it did. Oh, by the way I do not own Death Note, Davey Jones (Disney does), or any of that good stuff. Alert me to errors and leave me nice reviews for later, mmkay?

HotIceRed


	3. Chapter 3: Poolside Consideration

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will, yadda yadda

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will, yadda yadda.

A/N: Thanks again so much for the wonderful reviews, I feel so loved from all your support! Anyway, in this chapter, we meet some familiar faces, and probably find out Kyoshiro's fate. This'll prolly be a lot shorter than usual, basically cuz im lazy and stuff. Enjoy!!

**Poolside Consideration**

"And then we held each other close," the pink haired she-male finished her tale, wrapping her arms tightly around her slender form, her eyes sparkling in the shape of hearts.

Hotaru glanced up from the blaring television and honestly stated, "I wasn't listening."

The hearts in her eyes immediately dissipated, and Akari's face twisted into an irate scowl, "WHY YOU LITTLE!"

She went for the first thing at hand, which happened to be her bright pink fuzzy diary (the front cover was encased in soft feathery pink fuzz, something any girl, or girl-wannabe would gladly pick up off the shelf at a local Barns and Noble), and chucked it at the blonds head.

It hit its mark, striking him atop the skull and sending him teetering backwards onto the bed.

"Ouch," he muttered, but made no effort to move from his spot.

The next moments were filled with blessed silence from the dazed blond and random cheers from the reality t.v participants on the small, five channel television. So much for the renovated Motel 6 chain across the state.

Hotaru abruptly sat up, his listless eyes peering out the finger printed, bird crap stained window.

"Hey, I didn't know there was a nudist colony out here." He stated calmly.

Akari's eyes bulged out of their sockets as she hurriedly made a dash for the open window, face pressed against the glass, eyes roving about the hall,

"Nudist?! WHERE?! Is Kyo out there too?!" She excitedly demanded.

"I didn't know he was a nudist," Hotaru mused, brows knit together and a thoughtful expression etched upon his features.

Akari chose to ignore him in favor of obnoxiously staring out the window, but the sane part of her brain (if that part even existed, mind you) knew that one: Kyo wouldn't usually go around in the buff in public places unless he had a few too many (the exact number was nine, and she knew it well) and encouragement, and two: She, Akari, would never let anyone else besides herself lay eyes upon Kyo in all his nekkid glory. (A.N: yeah, I said nekkid)

Pacing in the hall outside was a young man with rosey colored hair and squinty eyes, clutching possessively at his bare privates and muttering softly to himself.

Akari's eyes narrowed, disgust creasing her visage.

"That's not Kyo," she growled.

Hotaru nodded in agreement, "Nope. Not him."

That clarified, Akari rose from her seat and stormed outside to confront the very nude young man.

"YOU PERVERT! HOW DARE YOU SHAME THIS ESTABLISHMENT AND SCAR MY EYES WITH YOUR GRAPHIC NUDE WAYS! I OUGHT TO CASTRATE YOU RIGHT NOW!" she bellowed, eyes dancing with barely suppressed rage as she towered over the young man.

The young man was taken aback, and cowered fearfully before the furious woman.

"I-I'm sorry miss! This little bastard kid stole my swim trunks and towel, and now I can't get into my room cuz my room card was in my shorts!" he wailed, cracking a beady little eye open to fully take in the sight of an Angry Akari.

"Do you work here?" he continued, hope leaking from his voice like water in a hole- ridden boat (or something to that affect).

"I'd really appreciate it if someone a woman as beautiful as yourself would help me get out of this embarrassing situation. I'd make it worth your while." He ended that offer in a low drawn purr.

Akari sniffed in disdain, head held high, and stated, "Not on your life, especially not with the size of those gibblits (1)."

The young man (who we all know is Tora judging by the squinty eyes) gawked, this shock managing to pop open both his eyes in order to stare at Akari woefully.

The she-male turned on her heel and stalked away, flipping her hair away from her eyes, "Besides, I already have a man, and his are WAY bigger."

Tora was left in the cold (for his shame was bitter cold), a cloud of angst hanging above his head and his pride taken down a peg or two. But really, who's counting?

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"You know," Bon began for the thirtieth time, "this room looks really familiar." He was sprawled across his bed on his belly, chin supported by dirty open palms.

Akira made an irritated noise in the back of his throat, jaw tensed, "For the last time, I don't give a shit! Shut up and leave me alone!" he snapped.

He clicked onto a new page on his computer, and that was that.

Bon frowned, aggravated at his companions' lack of assistance in solving the mystery, and brooded atop the bed.

Akira visibly stiffened, clicked out of whatever site he had been browsing through and rose from his seat, all in one brief movement.

Bon quirked an eyebrow at the teen and asked, "What's your problem?"

Akira refused to answer, and went about scouring his duffle bag for his desired item.

Ten seconds later he flung the bag onto the bed in a tizzy, cheeks colored in a hue of crimson and teeth grit.

He was at his last straw, and finally gave in.

He walked over to the bedside table, pulled open the drawer and tugged out the sleek black leather bound bible and tucked it beneath his arm.

"The Bible? What brought on this sudden change of heart? A sick porno finally got on your conscience?" Bon questioned slyly, lips twitched upwards into a grin.

Akira swiveled around and glared, "Don't compare me to the likes of you, Bon-Bon," he retorted.

The one eyed teen chuckled, "Oh Akira you naïve brat," he teased, "I'll never change."

Akira snorted in disbelief and made a bee-line for the open bathroom door, "Whatever pervert."

"Why does every hotel room have a bible? I don't get it," Bon said.

"Maybe the hotel staff are trying to tell you something," Akira replied cockily. The bathroom door slammed shut behind him a moment later.

Bon blinked, bemused, "Never thought the ones to push religion on us poor folk would be anyone other than little haggard old nuns."

"Touch my laptop and I'll rip off one of your balls and super blue it to your face!" Akira hollered from the inside of the bathroom, his voice muffled by the door.

Bon decided that he wasn't intimidated by Akira's threat and was going to get to the bottom of his mystery, once and for all.

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The pool rippled with life, the scent of chlorine floating through the air and jets of water shooting out of the pool with every splash of a floatie bearing child.

"So Kyo-san, what do you say? Will you come back to my room and have a drink or two? I got a full stock of wine and a keg." The raven haired man said, the depths of his blue eyes twinkling with desire.

From his perch on the lawn chair, Kyo fixed the man with a blank stare; fingers wrapped around a cold can of beer.

The man threw back his head and laughed, "You look so serious! What's the matter, are you afraid that I'll take advantage of your drunken state and violate you?" he teased playfully.

"I'm trying to decide whether or not I give a shit," Kyo replied calmly.

That sent the other man into another fit of giggles, leaning against his own chair for support.

A child with silver hair and fierce golden eyes approached the duo, water gun in hand.

"Quit acting like an idiot, Yukimura." He said, frowning at the display.

Yukimura grinned broadly, "Jealous Sasuke? Don't worry, no one could ever replace you," he cooed, leaning toward the boy.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and pulled the trigger of his purple plastic water gun, shooting a stream of water on Yukimura's white t-shirt.

The man let out a brief yelp of surprise and tugged at his shirt, already grown transparent with the assistance of the water.

"Nice one Sasuke. But there's no use denying your undying love for me," he said.

Inconspicuously hiding behind a fake palm tree a few feet away, Saizo wept for his master.

"Yukimura-sama."

A little girl and her mother walked past him and the little girl turned to the older woman questioning loudly.

"Mommy, what's that weird man doing?"

The mother glanced at Saizo, and then quickly looked away, tugging her child by the hand, "That's what you call a pervert sweetie." That said she rushed the two of them to the opposite end of the pool.

Saizo didn't let that stop him from weeping openly for Yukimura. He placed a pair of dark glasses on the bride of his nose and slid them up, "Oh Yukimura-sama."

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Kyoshiro pushed the little cleaning cart down the hall and stopped at room number thirteen.

He knocked twice on the wooden surface, loudly proclaiming, "Excuse me, I'm here to clean the room! Is anyone in there?"

The man was met with a dull silence and the sounds of enraged shouting from down the hall.

He shrugged, reached inside his pocket for the room card, and slid it through the slot.

The door opened with a swoosh; and the chilly air from the AC greeted Kyoshiro, sending shivers down his arms.

Without sparing a glance inside, Kyoshiro stepped back outside for a moment and returned, wheeling the cart full of cleaning supplies inside.

As soon as he got a good look, the rookie cop immediately regretted it.

Three people lay bound, gagged, and naked, arranged in a semi circle around a short and stocky man dressed in green.

Bright red facial hair blossomed around his chin and burst forth from under the dark green hat that sat on top of his head.

He held a pistol in one hand, cocked and readily pointed toward his captives. Then he sharply turned to the newest arrival, dark brown eyes shining with malicious intent.

"Are you in need of somethin' laddie boy?" he hissed, pointed teeth bared. (A/N: WARNING I am hereby refusing to attempt an irish-ish accent)

Kyoshiro gaped at the scene and dropped the stack of towels he had picked up just moments before.

"W-Who are you? What do you want?" he demanded fearfully, blue orbs shifting from the naked victims (Two men and one finely crafted female) to the maniac with the gun.

"What do I want ye ask?" the man asked as he waved the gun toward Kyoshiro, "I want the world and all the things in it! Except those damn Elves! They can go rot in the deepest corner of hell for all I care! Bastards, the lot of them!"

The man then proceeded to engage in an evil cackle, head thrown back and eyes shut tight.

Kyoshiro slowly inched away from the crazy leprechaun-like man. Some part of him woefully regretted leaving behind the naked woman. Seconds later the part of him that valued his existence won. Besides, he told himself, he had a full stack of playboy mags waiting for him under the nearest vending machine.

"And where do ya think you're going?!" the man barked. He narrowed his eyes at the retreating employee, finger tensed against the trigger.

"N-Nowhere! I saw a spider! Yeah and I wanted to squish it!" Kyoshiro hastily replied, bobbing his head convincingly.

"Ah," muttered the man, "Then give it a good squish and be done with it."

Kyoshiro made a show of stamping his foot on the imaginary spider and grinned nervously at the man.

"Now," the man said, "Drop the pants and bend over."

Kyoshiro's jaw dropped midway to the floor, tears leaking from the corner of his eyes in preparation of his impending doom. "W-Why!?" he managed to croak.

The man snorted. "The make sure you're not wired or anythin'. And don't tell me they don't wire ya down there! The fairies (2) in charge of this country are fucked up in the head these days."

Kyoshiro whimpered, shuffled toward the bed and unbuckled his belt, allowing the slacks he wore to pool around his ankles.

He could feel the little man hovering behind him, warm shallow breath biting at his skin and making the hairs on the nape of his neck stand on end.

And then-

"HEY! WAKE THE HELL UP!" Screamed a voice followed by a roundhouse strike to the head.

Kyoshiro cracked open his eyes and found himself staring into a pair of golden orbs framed by silver hair.

"Whazzit?" the employee mumbled unintelligently, rubbing his face with a hand.

"Why were you asleep in my room?! You're supposed to be cleaning it not littering!" the man ranted, gesturing toward the various bags of empty snack bags and half eaten potato chip crumbs.

The ranting man was dressed in a finely tailored business suit, complete with dark tie and shiny polished black dress shoes.

He sniffed the air. "And is that marijuana I smell?!" he exclaimed.

Kyoshiro sat up, removed a pair of tighty whities from his chest (which did not belong to him) and stood.

"I was bringing you towels." he said calmly.

The man was furious, "You brought a hell of a lot more than that!"

"Yeah, I'll go get those towels," Kyoshiro continued and abruptly bolted out the open door.

The man we now probably realize is an irate Shinrei sighed, "Nothing but the Hyatt from now on."

He then noticed the wheel bearing object lying on its side.

"Don't just leave the cart here you jackass!"

_End of section three. _

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haha, that was fun. It was a tad longer than I thought it'd be. First of all, (1) gibblits is a vulgar term for manly parts. I don't know if I spelled it right cuz there's not exactly to my knowledge a book on that. Plus, that might not even be the word… (2) The fairies term didn't mean literal winged ones, this could be a term used for homosexuals. I hope the leprechaun man didn't offend anyone, for I would never have anyone intentionally offended that way in my stories. The credit for the leprechaun man goes to my intelligent, brilliant, creative, and did I mention brilliant best friend Rhonda, whom I love dearly. Now, I want to know what you guys would like to see. Because if I don't come up with anything real striking, I'll go ahead and write the Blackout chapter, which will be the last. So in your awesome reviews, just let me know what you're fond of. I'll try my best to incorporate a few things. As always, point out any errors you might catch and I'll fix 'em.

HotIceRed


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